The Subterranean: the screenplay

I RECENTLY PURCHASED a copy of the screenplay writing software Storyist. The software, combined with the voice recognition capability of my Mac, makes an awesome screenplay writing machine. With the help of The Screenwriter's Bible, which gives me additional formatting info (like how to format a flashback) my screenplay project will get done with less hassle.

Tonight I opened The Subterranean #1 on my iPhone and dictated the dialog directly from the comic into Storyist. I dictated the scene headings and other information and got the first four pages of the screenplay which you can read below (this represents four minutes of screen time!) I don't consider this a finished version, it's going to take a lot of adaptation to get it to work as a film, but it's a fantastic start.

As with most writing the hard part is getting the first draft. Subsequent revisions seem easy by comparison. My only complaint about Storyist was that when I cut and pasted the screenplay into this blog some of the tags came in as upper and lowercase when they should have been all caps. Other formatting is off as well. If anyone knows how to cut-and-paste from Storyist without these flaws please let me know.

FADE IN:

INT. AN EXTREMELY HIGH-TECH LABORATORY - NIGHT

In the center of the lab we see a bed upon which a man is fitfully sleeping. The sheets are in complete disarray from his night of torment. He startles awake as if from a terrifying dream. His eyes, now wide in horror, are strangely white as if covered with thick cataracts.

FERRYL MAUGHN

(shouting)

My eyes! My eyes! I can't see!

SLOW FADE:

EXT. SKYLINE OF NEW YORK CITY – EARLY MORNING - FLASHBACK

The city from afar.

EXT. DOWNSHOT OF A CITROEN VAN CAREENING DANGERSOUSLY AROUND A CORNER.

1ST THUG

(Driving and shouting into a cell phone)

We're almost there!

In the back of the van another thug prepares a rocket launcher. He is prepping a strange devise by pushing a series of buttons and turning dials.

1ST THUG

Approaching mark!

The second thug attaches the devise onto the launcher as they shout at each other with military precision.

2ND THUG

Weapon armed!

1ST THUG

Standby to execute!

2ND THUG

Ready to launch!

The door of the van flies open and the 2nd thug braces himself against the doorjamb and pulls the trigger. We see the strange weapon fly toward a second-story bay window of a posh brownstone.

1ST THUG
(Shouting into a cell phone)

Target acquired!

The van races towards us as the bay window explodes and a huge fireball spews glass and debris onto the street.

1ST THUG

Target destroyed!

SLOW FADE:

EXT. NEW YORK CITY – PREVIOUS DAY

We see a skyscraper in the heart of Manhattan with a large sign proclaiming "HyperLabs".

INT. HYPERLABS

Several men huddle together in the middle of a cavernous laboratory. They are surrounded by six gigantic high-tech machines that look like a cross between a generator and alien hyperdrives. In a small amphitheater overlooking the lab we see several dozen scientists, military, and other officials jockeying for a vantage point. A weird thrum fills the air. One of the scientists in the center of the lab steps forward.

FERRYL MAUGHN

The experiment you are about to witness will revolutionize the creation and delivery of power!

Two men in lab coats stand several feet behind Dr. Ferryl Maughn. One is feverishly typing commands into a laptop computer.

FERRYL MAUGHN

It's impact will dwarf the splitting of the atom!

Maughn makes a sweeping gesture towards the six devices.

FERRYL MAUGHN

I present the century's greatest invention, the seismic oscillator!

We see the crowd. Some are rapt with anticipation, others have dubious expressions on their faces.

FERRYL MAUGHN

Power extracted from the earth's magnetic field is transmitted through concrete, lead, human beings! Virtually any object imaginable. Yet it is completely safe and undetectable at any point along its path.

The two men in lab coats behind Ferryl Maughn are twin brothers, Drs. Hugo and Theo Thanatos.

THEO THANATOS

(whispering)

Maughn's powers of observation are working against us now, so try to stay calm!

HUGO THANATOS

I was going to offer you the same suggestion!

Towards the back of the laboratory we see a large concrete monolith. Theo Thanatos pushes a key on the computer. The thrum grows louder and begins to pulse. A blue magnetic field envelops the concrete pillar. The pillar begins to vibrate, then crack, then shatter. The large generators begin smoking, then burst into fireballs of flame. The group of observers reacts in horror and begins to run.

FERRYL MAUGHN
(Under his breath)

This is impossible! It's all going wrong!

MAN IN THE CROWD

Run!

Write a great logline

A LOGLINE IS A BRIEF explanation used in the movie business to describe the entire story. It's not easy to boil down a complex plot into one sentence but it's necessary if you're going to pitch your idea to a Hollywood executive you meet on an elevator. In anticipation of such a meeting many people memorize their loglines.

Loglines get their name from the short titles producers write on the spines of screenplays. They can then identify which screenplays have potential by quickly browsing the spines. Here's a checklist to use when formulating your logline. You probably won't be able to get all of these elements into one logline. Remember; if the logline gets too long it loses its effectiveness:

CHECKLIST (squeeze in as many as you can)

Reveal the star's SITUATION

Reveal the important COMPLICATIONS

Describe the ACTION the star takes

Describe the star's CRISIS decision

Hint at the CLIMAX

Hint at the star's potential TRANSFORMATION

Identify GENRE

Keep it to THREE SENTENCES or less

Use PRESENT TENSE

Here's the logline for The Subterranean (If you haven't read issues #1,#2, and #3 , all free. Isuggest reading them first as the tagline contains a spoiler):

A scientist forced underground by the murder of his wife battles to avenge her and save New York City as former colleagues launch the world's largest bank robbery under the guise of a terrorist attack.

Is this the best logline I could write for The Subterranean? Haven't I neglected many of the exciting elements of the story? Due to the nature of loglines, yes, but until it ends up on the spine of a screenplay it's a work in progress.